Tony, Tony, Look Around...

I was thinking today about being canonized. Not the way one thinks of perhaps getting Chinese for dinner, just thinking about it in general. (I'd be a pretty tough sell, anyway, what with not being Catholic or performing any miracles.) But I was thinking it was nice that in the Catholic faith there's a saint for just about every situation. For example, if you've lost your keys or been raped, turn your prayers to St. Zita. Having trouble with vermin? St. Magnus of Fuessin's the guy for you! My favorite may be St. Drausinus, patron saint of invincible people. Weirdly, St. Drausinus is also the patron saint against enemy plots. Even invincible people can be paranoid, I guess. Here are some other notable saints:

St. Lydwina of Schiedam - patron saint of ice skating, roller skating, and sick people

St. Dymphna - patron saint of the mentally ill, therapists, and princesses

St. Sebastian - patron saint of racquet makers

St. Drogo and St. Germaine Cousine - because unattractive people need two patron saints

St. Vitue - patron saint against oversleeping and actors (who tend not to be morning people, so that makes sense)

St. Godelieve - patron saint of healthy throats

I couldn't help wondering if the patronage of a particular saint has anything to do with things the saint actually did during his or her lifetime. I know that St. Lydwina was Dutch, so it makes sense that she'd be the patron saint of ice skaters, but sick people? Was Lydwina the Zeena Frome of the Netherlands? I did some research, and it turns out the answer is yes! Lydwina of Schiedam was injured while ice skating at the age of sixteen. Gangrene set in at the site of a broken rib. She was in constant pain for the rest of her life. It is said that she had ecstatic visions, that miracles took place at her bedside, and that for the last nineteen years of her life, her only food was the Eucharist. Clearly, she did not mess around.

I wondered briefly what I'd be the patron saint of if I were to be canonized, but after reading Lydwina's story, the obvious answer is: nothing. Unless, of course, you counted the fact of my canonization as a miracle, which it would pretty much have to be. So there you go. St. Jeremy, patron saint of unlikely saints. (But knowing the Catholics, they've probably already got one of those.)